If you can imagine sucking on a slug that has been bathed in
greasy hair gel and then has been rolled around in a dirty vegetable garden
that has recently been washed out by dirty, salty lake water, and then had old
red food dye injected into it, that’s what a raw sliced tomato tastes like.
That slimy, bland, watery piece of garbage has a soupy, soily , watery taste
that sticks to the tongue and makes me gag as if I was just eating a piece of drenched
toilet paper straight out of the foul, sour toilet. However, that’s merely the
taste of the horrendous fruit! Its texture is that of a slimy mollusk fresh
from a wet soiled garden, and then lightly salted with ocean spray. Biting into
one almost makes me think of how a spider bites into the crunchy exoskeleton of
a bug and then proceeds to suck out the middle of its vile acidic insides. It’s
almost as if you can feel it splat and squirm on your tongue when you chew it.
Tomatoes are disgusting, slimy, pieces of filth that should stay in the garden.
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